Under The Ivy

Arriba arriba! Soy libra, Soy libra!

Scarlet lips gravitate to silver. The red-dressed harlot sits cross-legged, toes pointed. She sucks languidly on a cigarette.

Smoke billows and filters. Tentative fingers curl.

Glasses clink and conversations float. Laughter spreads out into the hazy evening sunshine. The roof tops sparkle silver.

A red rose sits in a glass vase.

Castanets click like gunshots while platformed shoes tap.

But wait!

A rabid baboon has climbed in through the slightly ajar window from a blue-hazed backdrop.

Terror proliferates.

People knock down tables, run, gnash and scream. The baboon grabs the chaunteuse with his black, human-like fingers, and snaps her neck.

A gong chimes in the square. The baboon squeezes into the silky red dress and sits demurely. He puts his moistened lips to the microphone.

A striking singing talent is revealed. The baboon's voice floats like nectar through the summer evening. Trees russle gently under a yellow sky. Drunken crowds cheer wildly.

Red roses flash against teeth.


...

A tiny Mexican lady creeps through the square underneath the tree-lined sky. Her face is yellow, like a faded portrait. A life caressed by sunshine on dusty June evenings.

She makes a clicking noise with her tongue as she shuffles along.

The evening sunlight beats down relentlessly on her fragile black shawl.

White-washed walls are covered by cracks while ivy creeps. Boys in white shorts play football on the street corner. 

The silence is solid, like in a dream.

A jolly caballero appears against the rustic wall. He starts playing an hypnotic tune on his fiddle. A skinny cat runs out from a crack.

Suddenly it is wearing cat boots and dancing on hind legs.

The old woman is drawn to the sound. She is like a snake curling out of a basket to a naked Indian in a white turban. She throws off her shawl.

Two rabid dogs start fighting over it, snarling and bearing their teeth in the dust, like baboons with purple anuses.

She runs along the cobbles with her arms spread wide. Her sagging breasts sway defiantly in the soft evening breeze.

"Arriba arriba!, Soy libra, Soy libra!"

She falls to the ground, dead. Colourful flowers cover her body.

Perfume circulates, tepid blue.

Burrows

Solid. Possessed. Everything clear.

Now no longer.

You come, flooding back. Through my pores. Fill me.You fucking bastard.

I need to get out. This room. Whirring round like that time.

Bomb.

I want to hit him. I want to shove my rusted scissors down his tonsil's gore blood.

Empty bathroom. Tick tock. Head hunched. Suck it up like black sunlit smog. Asphyxiate.

Fumes tick. Tock take it. Trash you. Slut. Breath in black. Let it circle.

John fucked Jim behind the bush in the drizzle and left him covered in cum. Twiddle de dee Twiddle de dum. Wrecked hole. Drip drip pierced. Wrecked 'um.

A dark room, legs. Tied up with rope. He's taken so many cocks that he can't feel any.

More drip drip. Seeping down leg. Pus filled sores, poor.

The lights come on, disfigured. Gnomes dressed in white coats roar with laughter. Air hangs.

Suspended drip drip.

Turn off that fucking. Tap tighter and tighter, still. Seeps through pouring. Out of the light, smashing. Down the table through. The kitchen shards fly.

Eyeball socket pinned against wall. Eye goo drips down revolting face . Yells like a newborn. A leprous lesbian fucks him mercilessly with a strap -on.  Fingers hang.

Shouldn't throw. Stones shouldn't forget. Forget what? Forget this fucking all. Consuming nothing.

Teachin's of peache's Rasta. Radio set bursts in. To flames blue. Sky turns purple.

He was just stoned. The three little birds had their necks broken.

Living in dream. A way it will all get better. Keep on kid.

The clearness lifts. He remembers who he is bright. Clothes hide nothing. It's all fucked. This coffee shop is fucked.

I want to drill a screwdriver deep into their heads. Slowly and painfully slide it in like. Enormous. Cock. Get high on the scream.

Your fucking coat is creased, get it sorted.

Crack heads crawl out of piss. Filled alleyways covered in cum and shit and bile. They're rancid. Skin reeks of rot. They start fucking it in deep. Take the disease. Feel it dancing underneath your skin like a ballerina.

Want to ride a bike straight into a stagnant canal. They could drag my body out after and it wouldn't be there. Discoloured haze.

Confusion hath fucked his master. Peace.

The Vegan Gathering

The walls are covered with the sewn-together corpses of rotting Meat-eaters. The Vegans lure them in with steaks and then bring out The Cows.

The Cows are trained to hate Meat-eaters. The Vegans keep them chained up to walls all day in front of enormous television screens. The screens show demented and dishevelled Meat-eaters, rolling around in the blood of dead animals until their skin is caked. These heinous orgies are endless.

Sometimes the Vegans even show The Cows movie footage of their mothers being systematically raped and murdered - old cows, young cows, the Meat-eaters don’t care. They fuck them violently and then turn them into mouth-watering hamburgers.

Of course the Meat-eaters in these videos are merely Vegans in disguise. But The Cows don’t know any better. They are driven mad by these images. Throw into the mix branding irons and starvation and you have a league of very pissed-off cows.

The Vegans then release them on to unsuspecting Meat-eaters. Their eyes glow red and steam shoots out of their flared-up nostrils. They trample the Meat-eaters to death and then play football with their corpses. The loud Moo-ing of the cows mixes with the screams of the Meat-eaters, and reverbates throughout the cavern.

The leader of the Vegans, aka Clap-trap, is sexually stimulated by the spectacle. She licks her lips and salivates while shoving vegetables into her bulbous vagina. She particularly likes the feel of aubergines and asparagus, but not carrots, as they are too phallic.

Clap-trap has summoned all of the Vegans of the land to her headquarters. They gather by candlelight on the darkest night of the year. Blood drips gently down from the Meat-eater tapestries hanging on the wall. They lap it up greedily and wait expectantly for the arrival of their leader.

A hushed silence falls as Clap-trap appears on the stage...but wait! It is only Clap-trap B, or ‘B’ as her close acquaintances refer to her.

“Fellow superior beings” begins B, “I am very honoured to introduce to you our Divine Leader, aka Clap-trap”. The Vegans start stamping their feet wildly and gnashing their death. They are wet with anticipation and wild with excitement.

Blue lights come on, revealing a pathway to the stage. The pathway is made up of male Meat-eaters who have been sown together by their genitalia. Their faces are arranged to face upwards where steaks hang tauntingly. The smell drives them wild but they can’t reach it. Most of them are nearly dead with starvation and madness.

A spotlight shows Clap-trap. She walks over the sewn-together Meat-eaters.

She stands at the podium. Vegans throughout the building start having orgasms. Some faint. It’s all too much.

“Fellow Superior Beings” , begins Clap-trap. “I am here to speak to you about the Meat-eaters. (The Vegans hiss and spit). “We already know that we are far superior to these ape-like beings (cheers, whistles) who cannot be spiritual, or show compassion, or love. We all know that the world would be a far better place without them (cheers, yells of joy), and thanks to me, Your Divine Superior Majesty, the time has eventually come. (the audience go wild and start rubbing their wet vaginas together)

Before I explain more I will invite our three Vegan Representatives, Natalie Portman, Pink and Alanis Morrisette on to the stage.” (The Vegans go wild and start bringing out vegetables and shoving them into their Vegan orifices).

(Enter Natalie Portman)

“Fellow superior beings – Do you know that Meat-eaters have had the cheek, the audacity, to actually say that they, yes THEY like my new film, Black Swan??” (The audience start booing and jumping up and down).

(Enter Alanis Morrisette)

“Fellow superior beings- do you know that if it wasn’t for Meat-eaters buying my one decent album, Jagged Little Pill, I would have become a has-been even sooner?” (The audience hiss like snakes)

(Enter Pink)

“Fellow superior beings – I am a BULL DYKE. I like dykes, and I like bulls, but do you know what I hate? Men and Meat-eaters!” (The Vegans laugh dementedly and start screaming)

Clap-trap returns. “Thank you, Vegan celebrities. It is wonderful to see you cashing in on the vegan-bandwagon. Like you, we are tired of these sub-human Meat-eaters who we are obviously much better than. (wild cheers) We do not have chips on our shoulders, we just know that we are superior. We know that we would sooner fuck an animal than a person, and we know that Meat-eaters were created without souls. To demonstrate this, I am now going to spit roast a baby...

Dwarves with Enormous Phalluses

A red light flickers. On and off, on and off. Over and over again into eternity.

What to do? Buckle my shoe. Honey bees float through.

Summer. A mentally disturbed obese woman swats them with her jaundiced toes. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.

The severe-looking librarian with the spectacles falls asleep in the corner of the hall, snuggled up to her book. She has a wet dream about being endlessly ravaged by dwarfs with enormous phalluses.

"We are gathered here today, daily beloved"

Ravens croak and float on the wind. She sits in a room, waiting. Nobody appears. She doesn't know how long she's been waiting. Maybe she's already dead.

A little girl in a white petticoat screams. The windows smash.

A blue bird is trapped in the garage. It can't see the glass and keeps banging its beak, over and over and over again.

The Shamanic healers gather underneath the yellow moon for an orgy. They are dressed up as clowns. They shove balloons into every orifice while a wolf howls from inside the tree.

Wouldn't it be awful to die in this wilderness?

I've been walking for ages but I still can't find the snake.

A huntsman spider sits on the toilet seat. Tropical storms rage outside as lightening flashes and rain masturbates furiously against the window, where the morn meets the dew.

Pay back God's things to God, and Caesar's to Caesar. The Whore of Babylon skips through the spring-time field with a large dragon. They ejacualte blood into the mouths of anyone who crosses their way. The Lord floats above the sky, rubbing his hands.

Young virgins tie themselves to trees with barbed wire, legs spread wide, waiting to be ravished.

A demented tranny with blue hair, pink lipstick  and seeping pus-filled sores dances through the forest singing Abba songs. Anifred and Agnetha bare their teeth, gnashing and snarling like dogs. A monkey hops alongs the pebbled beach as a tempest rages. The sky is red and the sun is falling.

The League is only open for elderly gentlemen with long, flowing beards. They gather on a cliff top on the darkest night of the year to sing hymns to Satan. The night is progressing as usual when Madness seeps in from On High and they all start throwing themselves off the cliff, to be dashed against the rocks below.

Their bodies smash into blood, bones and bile. Mermaids resting on the rocks nearby gather around for a feeding frenzy. Scarlet blood drips off their chins under the purple moonlight.

Brown Eyes and Lithium

Purple fills the room. Mustn't look, let's not make it too obvious.

Today's lesson was so boring that someone out on the street started screaming.

Cultural injection. Close my eyes and drift. Forgot where I was.  I was sold on Spain but Japan is calling me. I see myself walking through green mist on a blue morning. Water kisses. A golden temple looms on the left. Insence filters throughout cold marble. A monk sits motionless.

Back in the Ulster Hall the petite conductor whirls her stick like a harpy. A cacaphony of faces bubble under the river bed. It's like thinking you're just one pebble amongst millions and then realising you are the beach, and the sea as well. Where did that come from? Load of old shit.

Red faces browse shelves of books. Coffee floats.

Probably not the best idea, asking if he had gypsy connections. Note to self - think before speak. Banter got tiresome without the anti-depressants. Voices droned on in the background. Flower grew up her arm.

What to talk about though? "Pardon me, but I want you to ride me senseless in front of the slide robes."  Maybe I should take up smoking again.

Try not to look in that direction. What's underneath? Leg shakes frantically.

Wax-covered wine bottles on wooden tables. Faded programmes of long-forgotten acts hang off the wall. A labyrinth of dust, and books. Dream-like twenties swing vibrates out of the transistor.

Try to focus on words.

The old woman overseeing it all is pleasant but faded, peeling off the wall like one of the programmes. She goes out for a smoke and watches the traffic from a haze. Sadness settles like dust.

Ghostly jazz echoes.

The park is dismal, overcast and forgotten, apart from the pretend-punk couple, the beer and the radio.

I see myself in the middle of the grass. Frisbees hover under the sunshine. Summer of love. Pity he turned out to be such a cunt.

Nice to have a body beside you in the bed. Too caught up in my head now. No room. Brown eyes. Must stop harassing the Shaman. But what was the snake? Tired of it all.

Just close my eyes. Lose myself in the music. So detached right now. The movie unravels. Need some hard fucking. Lies. Need a body.

Eyes to get lost in

Hair to ruffle

Arms to spoon

Wake up with someone else. Remind you that the world doesn't exist in your head. Still, second chance. Motion propels ever onwards.

Billie Holiday sings sadly about the moon while Josh pontificates. Jesus Christ give that man some lithium, I think I'm picking up on a theme.

Bisexuals, Bulls, and Roy Orbison

Weak winter sunshine absorbed by a sponge. Busy weekend cafe. Low-level voices click against cutlery. Light gropes through. Yellow glow on checked tables. Prefer it quiet. Fades back to cloud.

Head buzzing a bit. Worth it though. That's what they say, isn't it? Abba spread out to fill the gap.

He loves Geology. It's a new subject.

Pink lips curl slightly. Hair is a raven. Timid girl floats behind her glasses like a bird. Clings to granny like a doll.

The hair and the blood and the breasts. Not wanting to be in your own skin. Puberty waits for no man.

Brief Bohemian Rhapsody interlude. Slight leap of joy inside when song begins. Then all  of a sudden the gong. Nothing really matters, anyone can see. Nothing really matters....too meeee.
Cafe reappears slowly.

That dream about the bull ring. Walked in a side entrance and realised. Running of the bulls a bit evil. Prove your manhood by getting gored. Still, why not apply? Spanish cafes, cobbles, churches, cathedrals. Muy tipico. Ya Ya, Dank.

Table relaxes now the awkward bird girl has left. Glasses steam up with tears as she sits beside the box. Smell of lillies.

...

Derek swayed gently behind his tenth pint. Foggy red-faced head. The sexuality question.

All on a scale, Kinsey, fluid, no one fully this or that. Ya da ya da ya da.

Curious as to why I thought him bisexual. Bit scrawny like but something about him. Don't want to be one of those queers that give us a bad name. Can't be friends with a straight without wanting a piece of their knob.

Always comes up one way or another. But, now there was surprise. I had no idea. Funny drunk face. Highly amused at being in a gay bar. Nice chest. Pretty brown eyes. Question - did the eyes become cute before or after the bi-ness? Maybe I am also a bi.

Couldn't breathe. Faces down on the table. Uncontrollable laughter worth twenty meditation sessions.

More coffee.

Cupping action. Barking up the wrong tree, obviously.

Sticky feet, boke. She had noticed my shoes. Well, nothing wrong with a splash of colour.

Peeling off his tight black boxers. What would it taste like? To put my tongue...

Lights flash. Strobe. All the drunk gays. So predictable. Hideous queens. He didn't get it. Just like a straight person who had got lost. Wonder what his boyfriend was like? Wonder who fucked who?

Burroughs, Beats. Hundreds of cafes in obscure European towns spread out before me.

Drunk hugging with strangers. Bearing life stories as they cleaned the glasses behind the bar. Lights came on. Drunk gays formed a procession out into the night. Straights into hell. Flames sparked and smoked in the corner. I think he preferred her. Maybe he wanted a menage a trois?

...

Love this Roy Orbison song. Makes me want to get up and jump around the room. Nice to go out and not feel like a tag-a-long.