Fuck fuck fuck fuck I cant write where is my creative outlet I am drowning in this world endless routine and candles flickering in my dark room surrounded by these people who cant speak and stare out at me from the fridge that child spins around and around I want to light a firework and shoot her out the window over the city exploding into a million stars falling down outside my window but this music is so soothing I see myself swimming indigo blue no pressure no time just motion freeflowing aliveness pulsating through my body while I sit in front of this room talking not knowing how or why just talking about light and love and space and freedom but it never works does it because freedom becomes routine which becomes boredom I might as well be dead.
so much coffee spilt on this hallway but nobody said anything they just walked on past the broken razor and I asked how did I get here but she didn’t reply so I followed her through the wood which was yellow and cold and full of crows spiraling and circling in the sky like paper and I went deeper and deeper until I was covered with green rushes which led to a river which was so still and peaceful the sun had just risen and the mist was hanging over it like a painting and I breathed in the space a heron sat still motionless balancing on the edge as if I had created him in my picture and I sat and waited and she came out beating her drum and spinning her rattle thousands of dancers in veils beside the fire it was dark and the stars were shining like my eyes in the darkness and they went spinning round and round floating on the smoke which came out from the forest and the rattle sounded like it was speaking to me and suddenly I heard the gong and woke up but she came out of the smoke towards me behind the veil and she beckoned me over and I went back and remembered and we were all gods skipping and floating and creating our reality and all was open and all was endless and all was free.
Spinning and spiraling and the smoke and I disappeared and I couldn’t recognize my face it was blank there was nothing there I was empty and I was filled with everything and it filled me up and I forgot about this room and this drudgery and these endless words that go on and on and this person that I am possessed by in this world with all the faces and the trains and the dead people walking about like zombies in the dark morning while the ice glistens in the moonlight
so much coffee spilt on this hallway but nobody said anything they just walked on past the broken razor and I asked how did I get here but she didn’t reply so I followed her through the wood which was yellow and cold and full of crows spiraling and circling in the sky like paper and I went deeper and deeper until I was covered with green rushes which led to a river which was so still and peaceful the sun had just risen and the mist was hanging over it like a painting and I breathed in the space a heron sat still motionless balancing on the edge as if I had created him in my picture and I sat and waited and she came out beating her drum and spinning her rattle thousands of dancers in veils beside the fire it was dark and the stars were shining like my eyes in the darkness and they went spinning round and round floating on the smoke which came out from the forest and the rattle sounded like it was speaking to me and suddenly I heard the gong and woke up but she came out of the smoke towards me behind the veil and she beckoned me over and I went back and remembered and we were all gods skipping and floating and creating our reality and all was open and all was endless and all was free.
Spinning and spiraling and the smoke and I disappeared and I couldn’t recognize my face it was blank there was nothing there I was empty and I was filled with everything and it filled me up and I forgot about this room and this drudgery and these endless words that go on and on and this person that I am possessed by in this world with all the faces and the trains and the dead people walking about like zombies in the dark morning while the ice glistens in the moonlight
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